Love wins

... and love always wins!

Taking the time

"... in a way nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small - we haven't the time -

and to see takes time..."

~Georgia O'Keeffe~

The Initiated Woman

~Essay by Danielle LaPorte at White Hot Truth~

Click on title to link to the White Hot Truth

The initiated woman has bled, she's bled from poor decisions that sliced her esteem wide open; and from unguarded boundaries being obliterated; and she's bled willingly because that's what you do when people you love are anemic or have been hit by life -- you give them your blood. Here, I have lot's, it's fresh and warm. I'll make more.

She has gone through the eye of a needle, stripped, shed, pared down to the pure pith of her power. The few people who have seen her so naked will never speak of that beauty to anyone else.

She knows that when people are ready, they're ready, and they're never ready before they're ready. Still, she holds the light for your readiness, because she knows how sweet it is when the time is right.

She's modest, but bold to the depths. She knows that initiations are waiting for everyone to claim them. Courage is key.

She's asked people to leave her house because they were consistently rude.
Now, she asks after the first offense -- she knows where things are going.
If you don't respect her, there's not much to talk about.

It's usually a succession of rigors, (rarely a lightning strike) that earns her the license to teach. Her lessons can be precise, like the diamond that cuts diamonds. Essentially-focused.

She knows that playing nice perpetuates irresponsibility, but that kindness is wildly fertile.
She's mindful of the how and the who in her bed, because it's always more than that.
She doesn't spiritualize immorality, but she understands it.
She has no time for excuses, but all the time in the world for intentionality.
She reveres accountability, which includes using the sword of justice, and singing operatic praises for things done the good way -- or even attempts at the good way.

Scarred. Faceted. Radiant. Wide.

She's so tender she prefers to whisper about her true nature, or write a poem. Abstract. Protected.

When the initiated woman tells you that "everything will be okay," you tend to believe her.

She uses compassion like a a lever to see what's really going on.
She applies willfulness sparingly, like gas to fire. ('cause, she is the fire.)
She awaits, but gets on with things.

She can tell you with calm and certain sympathy that love is the shortest distance between you and me.

And that there are no shortcuts to initiation.

Danielle LaPorte - White Hot Truth

23 Today!

My sweet Ana,

There are no words to express how much I love you Ana-girl – not in all the books written or songs sung – not in secrets whispered or proclamations declared – not in the buzz of a hummingbirds wings or the siren of a whales call. If every star in the sky and every spec of sand on the oceans floor had voice and spoke my love for you, it would still not be enough. How could I possibly express my love for you when you, my child, are love?

You are the breath in my lungs and the light in my eyes, from the moment your heart beat beneath mine, you have been my saving grace, my strength, my impetus to continue on. You are my reason for trying, my reason for being, you, my child, are my reason for being here, now, in this lifetime – you, my Ana-girl.

You are the wisest, oldest soul I know and not a day goes by that I don’t thank the heavens for allowing me to bring you into this lifetime and granting me the honor of watching you grow and become the fullness of your truth.

You are love, pure, unadulterated, shining love and all the lives you touch feel the wonder of your spirit. It is impossible for another to walk away from you without having been touched by the joy of your soul.

You are more than memorable; you are a gift to each and every soul that comes into contact with yours. I believe that others seek you out without even realizing it and that one day your soul-mate for this lifetime will find you – but not until the time is right, not until you are both ready for each other – believe that!

You carry the strength of pure femininity, always in control, always connected to your truth. You are drop-dead gorgeous, and because of those looks, others make assumptions, thinking they know what kind of woman you are – but they are often wrong, basing those thoughts only upon your beauty and not having a clue to all that lies beneath your beautiful surface!

You live your life honestly, without excuse – you “suffer no fools” – requiring the same honesty from those you pull into your circle of friends and family as you do from yourself. Those in that circle, your inner sanctum, are gifted with loyalty, genuineness, unconditional love and abundant amounts of joy. Only those you allow into that sacred space ever truly know the full wonder of who you are.

You are stubborn, willful, and strong beyond measure and you use those characteristics to your advantage, proving that you are so much more than just a beautiful woman – you’re hardcore and can kick some royal ass when necessary and that is part of your beauty and many times a surprise to others.

You have a wonderful, real laugh and a wicked sense of humor with a cutting edge of sarcasm that can bring others to tears in laughter. You are the epitome of fun, always ready to play, always looking for ways to bring amusement and joy into the lives around you and living every moment to the fullest.

Be at peace today, my girl, on this 23^rd birthday, knowing that the Universe only wants the best for you and Her timing is always perfect. You are precisely where you are supposed to be at this moment in this time and all things will work out exactly as they are intended to.

You are my joy, my grace, my sage, my centering stone, my light … you are my Ana-girl and I love you now and always!

Mom

Dreams

Trust in yourself and let your dreams go free, only then will they learn to fly.

~Harmony Lenasbunt~

I’ve been thinking about dreams lately, not sleeping dreams but life dreams. Ana and I have been talking about her dreams for her future and seeing the magnificent potential in each and every one. Encouraging her to trust herself and the Universe, to believe in her own power and ability to accomplish whatever she puts her mind to. I love sharing this part of her, knowing that all her dreams can come to fruition as she wants them too. It’s a blessing to witness the growth of her very wise soul into this lifetime. She is a joy to behold!

During our most recent discussion on this topic Ana asked me what my dreams were and after a momentary pause I had to reply that I didn’t have any – quite the wake-up call.

Upon further reflection I realized that I stopped dreaming a few years back when all of my dreams at that time were shattered into a million pieces none of which I could put back together again. I had to admit that I had stopped dreaming as a method to keep my heart safe, to protect myself from the pain of potentially losing them again. And while I know that this type of thinking does nothing but hurt my heart in the long run, it is where I have been for awhile now.

Even with my wish to spread my wings and fly into the woman that I can be – that I truly am – I have not allowed myself to put “destinations for landing” into words let alone into a dream of what may be. Oh, I have ideas and have even voiced a few of them, but actually allowing myself to believe in them, to dream for them is an entirely different matter. It’s very scary for me – it’s that fear thing again but in an area that I had not realized until now.

My wisest of daughters suggested that I start with something fairly small, something that really wouldn’t involve much of my heart and work back into dreaming from there. She suggested my desire to live in a truly urban loft one day. So that’s where I’m beginning the process of choosing to trust in my future again, and more importantly, trust in my ability to create that future as I dream it can be.

Wish me love and trust … and dreams.

The decision

It is not the decision you make that is the most important,

it is the degree of commitment with which you make that decision.

~Bo Ruttlett~

More sunrise love

The sunrise today.

My photos of the sunrise are taken on the 25th floor of "my" Building.

I have worked for the company that owns and manages the Downtown Denver landmark

for the past 10 years.

Views like this help to keep me sane.

Sunrise love

This morning's sunrise.

'nuff said.

Floating

I feel like I am floating but unlike the balloon above, I feel rather untethered.

While this feeling is not new it is unsettling.

There is something afoot, I just don't know what that something is.

I'd like to feel grounded and centered again.

Maybe soon - hopefully soon.

Such joy

Ana - Ty - Luke & Ashleigh

Post hockey (a win of course)

September 3, 2010

~love them all~

16 Today!

First game of the season - September 3, 2010

This amazing kid turns 16 years old today! It's so hard to believe that so much time has passed since I was given the very special title of Aunt and I do not in any way take the privilege for granted.

Ty is a kind, loving young man that kicks some royal ass on the ice! I am fortunate beyond words to have the gift of capturing him on that ice through my lens, and while I'm still working on mastering the skill necessary to take consistently good photos of this difficult sport, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything!

Thanks Ty for letting me remain in your life even when things changed in mine. You're the best nephew ever and I'm so very proud of you. I love you "Ty-Ty". =-)

Still seeking

"Creativity oscillates between what is given

and what can be discovered."

~Deena Metzger~