05 April 2010

Letting Go

Letting go seems to be a reoccurring necessity in my life, a task that requires time and thought and always some sort of action on my part. Letting go means to literally release something, to “free” that person, place or thing of desire or need. Letting go means giving-up and often times giving-in regardless of the outcome. Letting go means releasing expectation and dreams, allowing one to experience the void that is caused by the departure of whatever is no longer of benefit or good.

Letting go is a painful process for me – to say it is difficult would be a grand understatement – and no matter how strongly my head speaks the truth to my heart … “this is the right thing”- “this is necessary to grow”- “you’ll be a better, stronger person once it’s done”- blah blah blah … my heart tends to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to logic and rational thinking choosing instead to hold on – just a little bit longer – in hopes that the letting go will not actually be necessary, in hopes that the letting go is all just a big mistake.

My holding on, in turn causes pain and feebly repetitious attempts to change the outcome until finally the deed is done, every tear has been shed, every pleading denied, every breath of hope for what was is gone, till that moment when all that is left is me. Just me. Perhaps still curled into myself with the ache from the newly created void, but just me and I have to begin again, to open my tear filled eyes and seek out the glimmer of hope that is waiting for me. Because just as a tulip pushes itself up through the once frozen soil so does one’s soul – my soul.

From the pain of letting go, I am stronger and I am a better person and yes, the pain was necessary to foster my growth. Just as the cold of winter is necessary for a full a bed of tulips, the painful cold of my past can cultivate new and hopefully beautiful growth.

So as spring is fully here and the melt of winter has begun, I have let go (again) and I wait with anticipation for the first sprouts of my new growth – excited to see what beauty my soul will next create.

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