I received a card a couple of weeks ago from a dear friend telling me that she believed in me. It came at just the right moment and was exactly what I needed to hear as I was venturing into some new territory on my own and was very apprehensive about it all. The ultimate sentiment was that she had always believed in me and always would and most importantly that she believed in me NOW and knows that I can do whatever I put my mind to. It was what I needed to hear and it helped tremendously as I successfully accomplished a fairly routine matter all on my own.
I realize however that even though she believes in me, as do others in my life, I don’t believe in myself, at least not to the degree that I need to. It’s a hard thing to do. Virtually impossible at times and it never sticks – it flitter's away as quickly as it appears.
To believe in myself still feels wrong on a level so far down that it’s hard to even see. I know that I am tying it to “pride” and being proud was a sin and a terrible thing to be and to feel about oneself. I know where the “wrong” comes from and that I don’t even believe it any longer but I still “feel” it.
I’ve come a long way in turning things around and I am very proud of who I am and who I am becoming but when it comes down to believing in myself – wholeheartedly believing in me – I get all caught up in the negatives again. I think it comes down to actually doing something about being proud, actually feeling it, not just saying it. It’s easy for me to say I’m proud of who I am and to type the words here but to feel it is an entirely different thing.
So, I’m going to start believing in myself, not just “trying”, but actually doing it and feeling it. I’m going to start seeing the good things that I do that I can be proud of (like my photography) and really believe in my ability to do them and do them well. I’m going to believe in me and my Truth and my abilities and dreams.
And this could very well change my world.