21 July 2010

Learning ... slowly

"my building" and the Colorado Sky

It’s interesting to me how often words seem to escape me, how the concepts in my head seem to fly about like an un-tethered kite and I just can’t seem to grasp them firmly enough to find the words to adequately describe them. Feelings and emotion often complicate the issue with an unsettling wind blowing them about, making them far more intense than is necessary. It’s a frustrating place to be for a want-to-be writer but one I’m learning to work around.

I’ve determined that for me, finding the root of my thought – or grabbing the string attached the un-tethered kite is the first step. If I can find a word, just one word that helps me identify the thought in my head, I can slowly find more words to add to the string of thought.

When a feeling or emotion arises in the process, I need to figure out where it’s coming from. Is there a fear attached to this particular thought – as is usually the case with me – or just a random emotion or a gut sensation? Either way that part generally needs to be addressed before I can move forward on the rest of it. Once I’ve cleared the fog in relation to the emotion, I am able to clearly see “the word” and then those that follow all the way up to the now tethered kite of thought – it’s kind of cool how it works.

I’m learning, slowly – sometimes very slowly – that there are other ways to accomplish my goals, even if that goal is as simple as putting words to a thought. My normal “head against wall” routine just isn’t always the most effective and I think I’m finally seeing that.

But I’m not stubborn or anything!

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