29 December 2010

Fly ... again

My unofficial “word” for 2010 was “fly” but I don’t feel as if I’ve flown at all this past year, rather I’ve stuttered and stopped, floundered and flitted about like a baby bird, standing on the edge but too unsure of my own strength to venture further, doubting the reality of my own wings. And yet it feels as if the process has been progressing as it should – albeit much slower than I would like. Without the expected accomplishment from the past year, I am feeling very drawn once again to make “fly” my word for 2011. But in order to fully accept and welcome the word into my life for another year, I decided that I needed to determine what I’d like my “flying” to feel like.

While imagining my flight, my soul returned to my island home and the Pacific Ocean that surrounded me. Within moments I could feel the undeniable strength and thrust that my own arms created when rising from the depths of the ocean. Strong, sure “flying” movements guiding me under the waves or taking me to the surface where life-giving air rushed into my lungs and the warming sun graced my upturned face.

Such freedom and pride I felt – I knew that I could swim the ocean tides. I knew that I could reach my destination whether it be deep below the surface or the waiting shoreline. I allowed the ocean to carry me, tossing me to and fro, lifting me with each passing wave – I was free in the letting go, I was free in giving myself to the ocean for that time but also free in exercising my choice to return and strong in my ability to make my way back to the sun-kissed shore.

While respecting and being ever mindful of the oceans supremacy, I carried the intensity and the freedom within my heart and in my body while she embraced and covered me, supporting me, challenging me to push further and dive deeper, she held me in her waters and forced me to acknowledge my strength. She gave me my first flying lessons and the ocean and her majesty will forever be part of my spirit.

Now I want to feel those same things with my air-bound wings spread wide. I want to feel the same freedom and pride but within the life that now surrounds me and within my heart and soul. I want to experience the joy of diving and rising with wings to take me to heights yet unknown. To know that I and my wings will be able to control and guide each landing and that I will be able to reach each destination within my vision. I want to know in my heart of hearts that I have everything I need within me and I am more than capable of riding out the waves of life before me using my own wings.

The winds of change have been steadily crashing into me and I’ve tried to stand against them –head-on, facing them, not turning away – but enough is enough and I think this is the year that I finally turn around and allow those winds to lift my wings and carry me into the life before me.

It’s time to put my flying lessons of long ago into practice and allow my wings to carry me forward.

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