I mentioned in a previous post that I can feel that change is coming. Well, that feeling has not left me, rather it is becoming more intense and I’m really not sure that I like that, in fact I know that I don’t like it at all.
I keep reminding myself of the struggle that a butterfly must endure to make her way out of her cocoon. Or the tightness a flower bud must release in order to blossom fully. Neither example really makes me feel any better but I keep trying.
I’ve had a very difficult few years and my life has changed drastically from what it once was but apparently that is not enough change for me as I know that more is coming my way.
I really dislike change. In fact, I hate change and all that goes along with it and I have learned from experience that sometimes change is not so good on the other side. Sometimes life’s harder and living is tougher so not only do I hate the process itself but I’m rather gun-shy in regards to what’s on the other side.
If I could be guaranteed that everything would be better “over there” then maybe I wouldn’t resist and fear change quite so much. But I know that guarantees are not possible and the process cannot be thwarted just because “I don’t wanna”.
I also know that my resistance can make the changing more difficult, so like the tight rosebud, I must let go in order to fully blossom.
Letting go … for the 12 millionth time …
p.s. This is my 100th post!
1 comment:
I wish there were some magic wand or formula to make it all happen quickly, methodically and with perfect results, dear friend. But even as you have said, there are no guarantees! I can't tell you how many times Astrid said that to me as we were choosing each other. It was disconcerting, to say the least, but I knew she was right. I wanted her to say we would always be together the rest of our lives. The thing is, I said that in all the past relationships that DIDN'T last. So, lesson learned. It's better KNOWING there are no guarantees. Maybe that helps us choose better when the choice is in front of us? Maybe. I don't know.
I just think it's a marvel that you can voice these thoughts at all, Friend! My sense is you're already more than halfway there simply by knowing yourself. I hate the discomfort of bursting out of your cocoon and opening up your GORGEOUS bud...but I LOVE that you're going through the experience nonetheless! THANK YOU.
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