13 July 2010

Don't let go

Luke & Ashleigh ~ Kona, Hawaii
"just because..."

I’ve let some things go as of late that I shouldn’t have and I’m trying to pick those back up and put them back into place and into practice. This blog and my writing is one of them and the other is my photography.


I love writing and I revel in seeing the words on the page start to match the thoughts in my head and my heart. I struggle to start, almost every time, but once I do I generally continue until my internal editor has been satisfied. And photography gives me more satisfaction and joy than any other creative activity in my life.


But I’d lost my desire to put words to paper or to even pick my camera up, I’d hit the wall and the blocks were seemingly fixed and insurmountable. My standards were high, perfection a must, ease critical therefore they must not be good for me and I determined I must let them go and move on to something more appropriate and “easy”. So, I let go of the writing and the photography because they became difficult and hard to do. The words didn’t flow and the photos and my desire to take them dwindled to almost nothing. I needed to admit that I was not a writer and especially not a photographer and both mediums were actually bringing me down and not allowing me to grow into the “things” that would truly touch my soul.


But then, in reading Volume 1 of the “Inspired Eye” series by David duChemin – www.pixelatedimage.com – this little line in one of the first paragraphs hit me square between the eyes:


“Being creative is hard.”


I believed that if I was a “real writer” or a “real photographer” that creativity and inspiration would just flow naturally. That I would rarely hit blocks and when I did they’d quickly disappear once I acknowledged them. That my vision would be constantly filled with images to capture and ideas to communicate frame after frame. It would all come naturally – it would all be easy – it would just be there - waiting for me. But that’s not how it was so I stopped writing on the blog and my camera was set on the shelf to gather dust until something came up that I should take photos for. I’d write in my journal and take an occasional photo but I was not a writer or a photographer, it was just too hard to be.


I was wrong – not only do they add to my wellbeing, they are critical to my happiness. I must create, I must find ways to express myself that are original to me – not that I’m the only one that writes and takes photographs but when I do those things, they become a representation of who I am. They are original to me and even if the words are repeated or the photos dull, they are mine and part of my heart and more importantly part of the woman that I want to be.


So I’m back to the blog and back to the camera and slowly letting go of the need for perfection and fear of failure as those are the things that truly need to go. I’m far from an accomplished photographer and my writing skills are marginal at best, but that no longer matters. And whether the creativity and inspiration come with ease or not, I will NOT (thanks Ginnie) let go of the things that give me life, the things that feed my soul and consistently touch my heart.

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